Sunday, May 4, 2008

If YOU could know?

What if you could know the day you died? What if you could know the way you would die, and where, and why and all those other questions that plague a human mind in deep contemplation. Now if you could, if you had that oppurtunity... would you? I mean think about it, you could plan your life around your death, you could do all you wanted to do before the appointed time. You could plan to be in hospital to peacefully end your last few days. You could (God Forbid) repent at the end, and still have ''enjoyed'' a life of sin.
Do you know what i think? I think that if you had that oppurtunity you would freeze. You would freeze, when faced with the cold certainty and reality that you WILL die, and you will at a predetermined and set date would freeze you solid. You see most humans live in a state of denial. Since they assume that death is many decades off they can put the fear and worry at the back of their mind. Because after all, admit it, its so easy to lie to yourself. I mean you are probably the most gullible person you ever met. You manage to convince yourself to believe lies everyday. Think of all the times youve told yourself you were inferior, or that you sucked, or that you couldnt do something. Those are all Grade A lies and you beleive them.
Coming back to the topic.
IF you could have that choice i pray you wouldnt take it, because a life with a end in sight is not a journey, its a commute. Its not a joyous and exciting and sad and emotion filled event, its a terrible experience overshadowed by the constant date of the end. Its like being on the last day of a holiday. Its just like every other day, but it feels different because the end is in sight, its so tangibly present that its unavoidable.
As i end, i encourage all to take heart, and to live all your days as if it was your last, because it could be. But more importantly, dont obsess over the what will happen, obsess over what is happening. The future will come, inevitably and inexorably it marches towards us. Worrying wont bring it any faster or slower. So you should just shut the **** up and enjoy life lol.
Lewi4 out

Sunday, April 20, 2008


Writing is my balm, writing soothes me, it distracts me, and most of all it rids me of emotions i dont need.
Theres nothing more soothing, than putting on some great music (Might to Save-Hillsong) and just letting it all out onto a keyboard. I mean, only a dozen or so people are gonna read this, but all the same, SOMEONE will read this, but even more imporantly, I WILL KNOW ITS HERE. I have brought it out of my heart, i have floated it up, and if no one wants it, i lie satified in the knowledge that its here, its all here, and if one day someone should choose to read it, then my mission is accomplished. From there the idea spreads, the chain starts, and one day, who knows? My ramblings might do something for someone. Because that really why we all write blogs, oh sure we want to express ourself, we want to be heard, we want to be known. But at the root of it, we want someone to CARE, to be interested, and what greater show of care and interest can there be but to take something to heart.
Lewi4 out

Call of Duty 4 Tournament

Hey guys,
On May 10th (saturday), at my Cyber Cafe, (TBUN, aman suria, very near to the center.) there is the first national Call of Duty 4 tournament. Its teams of 5. The Full info can be found here:
Now to get to the point, Im an avid player and not half bad. But i need a team to enter. If any readers here are interested, just text me or leave a comment. Then we can come to the cc one day, and have a audition. THe closing date is 20th of april though, so need confirmatins ASAP. If you've never played or only once or twice, dont bother. BUt if u have prior FPS experience say so. Also im afriad only one nonmalaysian citizen is allowed per team... so since im already here, only locals im afraid lol. I have the forms with me, so if u can just tell me and ill hand them over.
Registration fee is RM50 a team (RM10 per person)
1st prize is RM$1500!!!
Come one come all (open to girls to)
Lewi4 out

Saturday, April 19, 2008


Todays society is consumed by inferiority and fear. People live in a constant state of fear, of other people discovering that they are not as perfect as the try to seem. Yet they forget that the people they are trying to impress are also scared shitless that someone might come along, and tear off that mask and expose their true self... imperfections and all.
The problem lies in that we condition our kids from childhood to fear and to try and run from weakness. It is drilled into us in a myriad of different ways. But first lets examine failing. The word fail carries the connotations of having lost, having reached for something, but missed and u fell down. It carries connotations of disgust, shame and most of all imperfection. The problem is that there is so much emphasis on this, that people forget the second part of it. The first part may be you falling down, and all the terrible things equated with that, BUT, what about the second part. What about you steeling yourself, you raising yourself up and you trying again, and again, and again, until you take that failure and you pummel it to pieces, and you reach your goal.
Society puts much to much focus on the first part of the equation. Society stresses so much on failure and that if you fail, you are something of a pariah, to be shunned and to be looked down on, as opposed to a person who is about to stand up and defeat fear and take back what he couldnt get the first time.
Society fears weakness like the plague, for the basic reason that society is afraid of appearing weak, of losing that apparent veneer of indestructability. But we as a people can only get stronger by embracing our myriad of fears. Each fear embraced is a plate of armor added to you, each fear faced, and defeated is another tick on the report card of life.
Lewi4 out

First post

Hey all,
As some of you will know, i Had a blog (, but sadly i forgot the password... so im afraid its died an ignomous death.
Anway under pressure from certain people (yes u sean) i have made a new one.
Basically im gonna be writing like i write in my journal, so expect some really messed up topics, but i hope u guys can relate. If i can provide wisdom to one person, then the entire purpose of this is completed.
Lewi4 out